Poogate Continued...

So, Occupational Health had "suggested" (read accused) that I had Post Natal Depression because I got so upset that someone tampered with my breastmilk at work.

When I came off the 25 minute call, where I was assured that the Corporation had done everything they were supposed to, I was so angry and still feeling very violated. The bit I was most angry about was that this woman's suggestion had me thinking that maybe she was right. Maybe I was suffering from Post Natal Depression. Maybe my reaction was a bit over the top. Probably nobody had been into my milk, they had just had a nose and had a look at what was in it. She made me question myself and my reaction. I even talked to my husband (who was livid about what had happened) and asked him if he thought I was suffering from Post Natal Depression (PND). He confirmed that I absolutely wasn't and that he felt that my reaction was justifiable. I also spoke to a friend who is also breastfeeding and she said that once you know that your milk has been touched it's no longer sterile anyway so you can't use it.

I couldn't physically throw the milk away so my husband had to do it. I had no idea I had such an emotional attachment to it.

Work have since put a lock on the fridge which was supposed to be fitted the following day. It took a week to fit and whilst I waited I was told to store my milk in a cool bag with ice packs. Nice.

Occupational Health had suggested I get in touch with my Health Visitor. I phoned my Health Visitor who was absolutely brilliant. I know a lot of people knock Health Visitors but mine was excellent all the way through. She said that if anyone had tampered with her breastmilk she would have been "incensed with rage". She said that my reaction was exactly what she would have expected and she was horrified that Occupational Health suggested that it was because I was suffering with PND. She suggested I go to the Doctors and take all of the PND questionnaires in case work come back and try any "funny stuff".

I was a little bit naughty and made the doctor's appointment during works time because I felt a little bit rebellious. Did the PND questionnaires and came up as: a little bit tired. Well, duh! I'm a Mum of a 7 month old Dumpling who is working part time, course I'm bloody tired! lol.

I emailed my Manager to tell him what had happened and I got an email back saying he was on holiday (nice to be informed of these things!) and that he takes these things "very seriously" and that he would "Support me 100% in my return to work". I didn't dare mention that I had already been back at work six weeks. Oh and guess what, he sent the email four weeks ago and I haven't heard anything since. So, all that rhetoric about supporting Mum's returning to work, It's total bollocks. I wonder if all Companies are like this or I'm just lucky? ;-)

Poogate

Warning: the following post might make you feel a bit sick...

There was an incident this summer at work when I was on Maternity Leave. Somebody "poo'd" in a plastic cup and left it in the toilets.

Yup. Really.

I work for a major Corporation and it says a lot if your employees feel so dissatisfied that they choose to go to such lengths. Lets not even mention the frequent blocking of the men's toilets so that the sewage leaked everywhere.

Annnnyway, I returned to work in August. I was (and am) still breastfeeding. There was a lot of hooha about me needing my own fridge to store my milk in. The lady who sorted it out was very proud of the sign that she made which said "Only Authorised Personnel to use". I wasn't completely comfortable about leaving my milk in the fridge as it was in the middle of the kitchen that everyone has access too (about 150 people). However, I stored the little bottle in one of those Tommee Tippee microwave tubs so you couldn't see what it was if you just opened the fridge to have a nose.

A few weeks in, someone decided to leave their beef slices and cottage cheese in my fridge. I actually thought it was quite funny at the time. However, the "Fridge Lady" was very annoyed and sent a very strongly worded email out to everyone saying that only Authorised Personnel could use the fridge. She then said she would have the fridge cleaned in case of "contamination". I thought this was a bit bizarre cause the milk was stored in the same fridge as our food at home.

The following week I had finished for the day and went up to collect my milk that was stored in the fridge. Except it had been moved. It wasn't in the same place I had put it. Which meant someone had gone in and done "something" to it.

I told the "Fridge Lady" and as I drove home I got more and more upset and more and more angry. When I got home I could barely talk I was crying so hard. I wanted to do something and the only thing I could think of doing was to phone Occupational Health and explain what had happened.

Do you know what the lady from Occupational Health said? She said that the Corporation had done everything they were supposed to do and that, based on my reaction, I was probably suffering with Post Natal Depression...

I'm going to finish this in another post tomorrow.

Curveballs

Yup, I know. It's been bloody AGES since I've posted anything. Have a bit of a confession. I'm running another blog and it's wildly more successful than this one so I've kind of been focusing on that. Oh yes, and Dumpling, "returning to work", running a household and trying not to neglect PH and all of my friends. Or this blog of course <blush>.

It's been quite a challenging couple of months. First there was the whole "going back to work" crap. God was it awful. The first month just sucked. I can't complain though cause I'm only working from Mon-Wed. Although I can tell you that this is MORE than enough. I literally skip out of the office on Wednesday evening. Dropping Dumpling at nursery was just the worst. I seem to be coping now though, which I guess is a good thing.

PH started a new job three weeks ago. GOODBYE MILITARY!!!!!!!!!! whooohooo!!! Not sure I mentioned that PH worked for the military. If he'd stayed he would have been away for 9 months of the year. So we made a decision that it would be best for him to exit quickly, before all the Defence cuts kicked in and he'd be competing with 40 of his colleagues for one job. Pleased to report he's very, very happy in his new job. So that's one less thing to worry about.

Oh and of course there has been the whole "somebody tampered with my breast milk at work" scenario. Going to do a seperate blog post for that soon. Then there's the Jury Service/Projectile Vomiting scenario. Bet you are looking forward to the post on that! Seriously, you couldn't make half of this crap up.

And then there is Dumpling. Who is still perfect despite teething and being a little rat bag over the weekend. She's proper crawling now, which meant everything went UP off the floor very quickly. She's tormented the cat and has scars to prove it (bad parenting and PH went bonkers when he found out. The scar is fading thank goodness...opps!). She's started on proper food and loves it all. Apart from Swede. That gives her the worst screaming tantrum in the night. Oh and did I mention that was the day before I started back at work? Anyway, she's still perfect and I still just want to kiss her cheeks all the time.

So, that's it for now. Again, I'm going to make a concerted effort to try to find my voice a bit more, assuming my other blog doesn't take up all my time! That sounds awful doesn't it. lol.

Phew and Eugh...

Can you believe that I've been trying to write this post since Friday!

Very pleased to report that Thursday was fine. PH took his Dad out for a walk when Dumpling needed feeding, me and the Mother In Law (MIL) had a lovely chat and we managed to get home by 8pm. All my anxiety was unnecessary. However, it's probably because I was ready for trouble. It's always when you aren't ready for trouble that things explode.

My MIL was very sweet and kept telling Dumpling how much she loved her. Dumpling was a total little charmer and just kept smiling at her Grandma. It was sooo weet! We didn't directly talk about my Father In Law's (FIL's) issue with feeding but my MIL did say how proud she was of me, for continuing to breastfeed Dumpling despite all the issue's we have had. So, that was a very nice bit of recognition that I hadn't been expecting and gave me a nice warm glow.

Our current challenge is Dumpling's first cold. Which she has very kindly passed on to me. There is snot everywhere and the front door has a great big red X on it. So, I'm having to deal with a sick baby whilst not feeling particularly great myself. She is fine in herself though, apart from last night where we had lots of screaming before bedtime so the magic potion (calpol) was administered. Luckily PH is home from work today so he's doing a fab job of looking after us and Dumpling is sleeping it off at the moment. I hate snot at the best of times and I knew this day would come, but it's soooo gross when babies wipe it across their face because they don't know any better. This is one of those bits of parenting that I could do without!

Visiting the In Laws tonight...

First time in about three weeks. PH and I have our plan in place. We will arrive at 6pm and then leave at 7.30pm. PH has decided that we will be staying no later than 7.30pm because Dumpling is now in a routine that means she goes to bed between 7.30pm and 8pm.

Not sure how his parents will react but am very impressed with his strength of feeling. However, this means that she will need a feed during the time we are at theirs. As we will only be there for 1.5 hours and will be eating during this time, I have no idea how this is going to work out. Our strategic plan last time was that PH took his Dad out for a walk when Dumpling needed a feed. However, there isn't going to be time for this, and PH's Dad does the cooking (he's a fab cook, which slightly makes up for the hassle with feeding). I am hoping that PH and his Dad will just stay in the kitchen out of the way or I will have to go and sit in the car (they apparently don't have room upstairs for me to feed). If I have to go and sit in the car then I think I'm just going to go home.

It's been a bit of a tradition over the past couple of years that we go to the In Laws for dinner every second Thurs. However, I can see this is going to become a total bind, especially when I'm back at work. I knew it was going to be a nightmare, trying to ensure that everyone was kept happy once Dumpling arrived but I hadn't realised how much of a challenge it would be to ensure that we all get to see everyone and yet still have quality family time. The grandparents are already grimbling that they don't see Dumpling enough. I know it's awesome that she's had such a positive influence on their lives, but I don't want to get to the point where we are forever visiting people to keep them happy. In fact, I know it won't get like that because we won't let it, but I just don't feel I have the capacity for the grief that we are going to get. It doesn't help when my Mother In Law (who is lovely) had a monumental strop when we told her that we wouldn't appreciate them just "dropping round" and they needed to phone in advance. The phrase "I'm do NOT need to phone to make an appointment with my Granddaughter!!!" came up.

I knew parenting would be challenging, but I thought it would be Dumpling, not everyone else! Thank goodness she's such a perfect little baby.

Whoop Whoop! First Comment...

which means people are actually reading this! Exciting!!! I've also just discovered that "Dumpling's Mum" has been mentioned on the Tots100 website. OOOHHHH!!! No wonder I've suddenly received some lovely comments and the stats have shot up. Ironically I was wondering if it was worth it, especially as I'm back to work in six weeks and will have even less time to work on the blog. However, enthusiasm is now renewed. Yay!

So, I think Dumpling is now 18 weeks, I'm starting to lose track a bit. Last week she started rolling over properly although she typically refuses to do this on demand, when people are visiting. We moved her into her own room on Friday night, into the big cot. I had massive separation issues which were aggravated by PH. He started winding me up about me freaking out but once I burst into tears he realised that this probably wasn't the right approach! Pleased to report that Dumpling continued to sleep all the way through the night and I only checked on her twice. Result.

The whole "banned from breastfeeding" appears to have calmed down for the time being. We've been over to the In Laws a few times, but not as much as we would have if there wasn't a potential issue. Our strategy now is that when Dumpling needs feeding PH takes his Dad out for a walk until I send a text saying that Dumpling's finished feeding. We even have secret signs which indicate that she's about to need feeding. It's all very comedic really.

Dumpling has also found her voice in the past few weeks. She no longer cries, she either shouts or does a high pitch wail/yelp. It gets a bit embarrassing when you are walking around M&S and all you can hear is your child trying to "talk whale" at the top of her voice. Finding Nemo is going to be banned from our house for the next few years!

Six weeks left till I go back to work. Still can't think about it as up and down like a yo-yo. I'm not even sure why I'm going back so early now. We have the drama of weaning, teething, nursery and everything else to look forward too when I start back at work. I have worked out that I will need to get up at 5.30am every morning to feed Dumpling before I drop her off at Nursery, to ensure I can get to work in time to get a parking space. Deep joy.

Dumpling's first swimming lesson...

Was absolutely brilliant! The lessons are on Friday afternoons and as PH finishes work early on Fridays swimming lessons are going to be his and Dumpling's bonding activity. Dumpling was a little star, she was dunked twice and on the first dunk she flustered a bit but on the second dunk she didn't bat an eyelid. She was even kicking her legs when they were swimming around. PH couldn't stop grinning through the lesson and for the rest of the evening. He said he felt like a bit of a plonka singing the nursery rhymes but I was very supportive and told him to suck it up!

The great thing is that this has helped to increase PH's interest in Bath time. He has always loved bath time but now that he has been advised to practice with Dumpling he's even more keen to get her bathed. Which gives me about half an hour to myself. Bliss!

However, I am slightly incensed with the swimming school taking £140 out of my account already for the Autumn term which starts in September and then advising me that I have a two week "window" in July in which we can change our lessons but any changes outside this will cost £30 administration fee. So, erm, if I want to make changes in August then I have to pay £30? Seems a bit of a cheek to me as the lessons aren't exactly cheap. Unfortunately they are the only swimming school in the area so they kinda have us parents over a barrel. Just seems a bit ruthless. Guess I'm going to have to get used to this sort of thing and stop being such a naive new parent!

Dumpling is 15 weeks old

I've been reflecting over the past few days now that we seem to have reached the 3 month mark. Things are supposed to get a bit easier and thankfully they have. Dumpling is becoming a bit more independent which means I can leave her to amuse herself without having to run around to get back to her before she gets upset.

I'm so glad that we are still breastfeeding. It's been such a battle to get here. I completely understand now, how it can take over your life whilst you are doing it. It's such an intense experience, although experience doesn't seem to be the right word. It's more like an intense journey. Every day there seemed to be a different challenge. At the moment it feels like we have it cracked, although I know how quickly that can change.I think I've processed the difficult birth bit. When I think back, the events seem quite hazy and if I hadn't already repeated my birth story to other mother's, I don't think I would remember any of the details.

We seem to have developed a family routine, although it's not very rigid, which I actually quite like. I love that we are a family now and that we do family activities together. I love that PH and I are bringing up our daughter together and that we have the honour of watching her grow and develop. I've also managed to keep a little bit of BD (Before Dumpling) as I've managed to go out with friends and pretend that I'm not a Mum and that my life hasn't changed. My life has radically changed though and I am so glad that it has. As much as I want to hold Dumpling close to me and stop her from growing and changing every day, I am really looking forward to seeing the young girl that she develops into. The first 10 weeks were really tough, but they were so worth it.

A few things I have learnt recently

I was chatting to a friend the other day and we were talking about what happens once our babies start moving. She was given a play pen and she has already started putting her baby into it. She was given the play pen because the baby who it was originally bought for screamed whenever they were put into it, because they weren't slowly introduced to it. It hadn't occurred to me, to put Dumpling in the pen early on so she gets used to it before it becomes a dire need when she's fully mobile.

I talked to another Mum recently about how Dumpling reacted to her 12 week shots. The Mum recommended giving Dumpling calpol BEFORE her shots were given. Hadn't thought of that one either!

Have we suddenly regressed back to the Dark Ages?

My father in law doesn't like me breastfeeding in his presence. So, we have basically been banned from going over to my in law's house. I'm really disappointed at his small mindedness. I can understand why he feels uncomfortable but we have been coping for the past three months as he just leaves the room when I'm feeding Dumpling.

I've already blogged about this a few weeks ago but it's still weighing heavily on me. My father in Law even bought it up when PH phoned him on Sunday to wish him a happy Father's Day. I was very proud of PH because he didn't hang up, just told my father in law that he didn't know what he was talking about and to keep quiet until he did. I bumped into one of the breastfeeding counselor's this morning and mentioned  what had happened and she said that it might be that my Father in Law is reacting so strongly because he feels guilty. PH and his brother were both bottle fed and by suggesting that "breast is best" the bf counselor said that this could imply to PH's parents that they didn't do what is best for their sons. 

Next time it comes up in "conversation" I think I'm going to ask my Father in Law why he is so against the breast. I'm intrigued by what his answers might be.

How can it already be the middle of June?

I've been very remiss at not updating this blog and I apologise for this. My plan is to update the post at least once a day for the next month.

I've also been thinking about what this blog should be about. There are so many "Mummy blogs" out there that I'm not sure how I can differentiate myself, if I can at all. People recommend blogging about what you know, so I think I'm going to add a few more things, all of which you should see over the next month...

I say "all" because as far as I can tell nobody is reading this blog. Ho hum.

Banned from Breastfeeding

by my own family!!! Although, actually it's my Father in Law, but even so. I get on really well with my in laws and I had soooo not expected anti-breastfeeding to be so close to home.

The other weekend we went out with the In Laws. Perfect Husband's Mum had a quiet word in his ear. When we got home he told me that his Dad didn't "approve of breastfeeding". I was so taken aback by this statement that I responded quite calmly, considering. I asked him to clarify what that meant and he said that his Dad doesn't want me to feed Dumpling in front of him anymore. It's not as if I'm very blatant about it, but apparently because I'm using shields my Father In Law thinks he might "see something". Up until now my Father in Law always left the room when I was feeding so I didn't think it was an issue. PH (Perfect Husband, not Public House ;-))  has been told since that I'm not allowed to nurse at the In Law's house. I was too shocked to comment.

That evening was really tense for me and PH. I know he felt the blame and wanted to tell his Dad he was being an idiot. We decided that probably wouldn't be the best initial approach although we might revert to it later. I know he felt guilty though as he snapped at me, which he hardly ever does. To make matters worse we were going to the In Law's for Sunday Lunch the following day. We talked about what we would do when Dumpling became hungry, so we agreed that we would just leave. Half way through lunch we were chatting and then somehow we started talking about feeding. My Father in Law said to me that he "didn't believe in the breast". Interestingly he didn't make eye contact whilst saying this. I ignored my Father In Law's comment and spent the whole time looking at PH because if I had responded I would have either burst into tears or punched my Father in Law. Dumpling did get hungry and PH made up an excuse that we had left the shields at home and needed to get back to feed. I felt so guilty and like such a crap Mum on the 10 min drive home as Dumpling screamed the whole way.

I have been so upset about this since and it's made me even more insecure about feeding in public. I hate it at the best of times and feel intensly vulnerable. Unfortunately I cannot feed discretely because my boobs are MASSIVE (they were before Dumpling began). I even considered giving up breastfeeding that weekend. Even though we had 9 weeks of hell with it and only the last 5 weeks have been comfortable.

I have bitten my tongue since, which is not normally like me, but I don't want to cause a rift in the family. I don't want to tell my In Law's that they actually caused a lot of angst for PH and I. I feel for Perfect Husband. He's stuck between a rock and a hard place. We have tried to justify his Dad's behaviour by saying that it's an age thing or a cultural thing (he was bought up in a generation and place that only ever used the bottle) or that it's a medical thing (he had a brain tumour several years ago and hasn't been quite right since). We have also discussed why they have decided to bring it up now, three months in.

We have since decided that as Dumpling cluster feeds (has lots of feeds) of an evening we will no longer be able to take her round to see my In Law's in the week. I have come to the conclusion that it will be their loss for the next couple of months.

Thank You Cards

What's the general etiquette these days for sending out Thank you cards? My understanding is that they need to be sent within a month, especially after Christmas, although that's what would happen in a perfect world... Can I get away with sending the cards out for all of Dumpling's birth gifts four months after she was born? We didn't send our wedding thank you cards out till six months later cause I felt so crap due to being pregnant.

I've tried to be clever with Dumpling's Thank you cards and it's backfired. I wanted to do individual pictures of Dumpling wearing or with each of her birth gifts. We were doing really well but then it turns out that the latest picture paper has "gone off", so about a week after the pictures were printed yellow patches started to appear. They look really rubbish now. So we've got to do some of them all over again. I was going with the approach of sending out 10 a week, but we've still got 15 to go and I know I'm leaving it really late. I just don't seem to be able to get motivated. Dumpling started gurgling back in conversation this week so we've spent most of the week doing that and I just can't be bothered with thank you cards at the moment. I want them done though, cause having them hanging around is bugging me, but it means a trip to a place which sells picture paper and oh it's just too much effort!

I will get to them soon though. Its the least we can do as we received so many wonderful gifts, from very unexpected people too. I guess that's what new babies do to people. Just how far can I push it without being rude?

How many mothers have been discriminated against by their Employer?

It's an interesting question. Half of the new Mum's that I know have been treated illegally or very poorly by their employers. I know that this isn't a very scientific study but that's still quite a shocking number. The issues range from being denied returning to work part time as part of the "phased approach" plan to not paying out sick leave which was a pregnancy related illness.

It's quite worrying that in this day and age these things still happen. I've talked to many women about the shocking statistic that women are still paid considerably less than their male counterparts who are doing exactly the same job.

I'm sure that this issue has been written about far more eloquently by many other people who are far better qualified. However, as a woman at the "coalface" of this discrimination it does make my blood boil. Yet I don't seem to be able to do anything about it. I don't want to come across as a bra burner and all of the women that I have talked too says it makes them very angry too, that mother's and women in general are still treated unfairly. Yet we still don't do anything about it. Are we too busy focusing on raising our children and trying to keep afloat in these difficult economic times or is it something that runs much deeper?

If you can't beat 'em...

It’s all so cliché! I can’t believe I’ve been sucked in so quickly. It’s as if my previous life just didn’t happen at all. I forgot the word for “hill” the other day. Ended up describing it as “you know, that up and downy thing with the dip in the middle”. I have a Masters degree and yet I couldn’t remember a word that Dumpling is probably going to know by the time she is two, if not earlier!  It’s all so tragic. I held my first coffee morning  last week and I thoroughly enjoyed it. If I had uttered the previous sentence a few years ago I would have asked someone to shoot me there and then!

Parenting has been a shock but it’s also been a shock at how quickly I've become sucked in. I now have no other subject of discussion other than Dumpling. What did I used to talk about before? I went out with a friend for lunch for a few precious hours of "me time" and I had to rack my brains to think of things to talk about that didn't involve my child. I hope she didn't notice.

Perfect Husband and I went out for dinner on our own last week, for the first time since Dumpling has arrived. He slapped me when we first sat there and I couldn't think of anything to say that didn't relate to our antenatal course friends or Dumpling's progress and future. I'm pleased to say, that once I stopped thinking about her, we ended up having a really good conversation and had a lovely evening. It was quite surprising how quickly I did "forget" about her. I didn't phone or constantly text the babysitter but I was delighted to get home and find that Dumpling was ok. Does that make me a bad Mum, that I didn't think about her all the time and that it was a relief to NOT think about her constantly?

Dumpling

Dumpling was born 11 weeks ago. It's amazing how quickly we have gotten used to her being around. It still feels a bit weird though, when people refer to me as a Mum. I wonder how long it's going to take to get used to it all. Some days I forget that she's my responsibility (as much as you can forget when she's screaming to be fed!). I remember a few days after she was born, those manic days when everyone is still in shock, that we both commented that we already couldn’t remember what life was like before she arrived on the scene.

I really wasn't prepared for how fast she is growing up. I know it's only been a couple of months and before it would have sounded ridiculous, but it really is unnerving how much she changes every day. I was shocked that she was out of her newborn clothes within a couple of weeks. Now I see little babies and think, "ahhh I remember when..." I am well aware of how daft that sounds given that she's only a couple of months old!

We have been really lucky because she has slept through the night since she was 3 weeks old. She would have slept through since the beginning but we had such a nightmare with the feeding and I didn't realise at the time that she wasn't getting enough which was why she wouldn't settle. She only cries when she is hungry or needs her nappy changed. She knows exactly what she wants, even from this young an age.She’s very nosy and needs to be sat up all the time so she can see what’s going on. The day she smiled at us was just awesome. I can’t wait for when she giggles properly for the first time.

Things I have learnt recently...

• how to type with one hand 
• I don't have to reply immediately to every email that needs a response
• you can still have a life with a new baby, it's just a different life to the one you had before
• to ignore people who think they know your child better than you do, when they haven't had children themselves or are new mothers and learning just like you are
• Dumpling's skin smells fantastic!
• 45 minutes of enforced downtime (nursing) every couple of hours can be very relaxing and thought provoking but it can also be incredibly boring
• I need something else in my life now I have finished my MBA
• how to sterilize baby "things"
• there is nothing cuter than seeing your baby asleep in her Daddy's arms
• you can read all the books in the world, but they won't prepare you at all for the real thing!
• that people send wedding anniversary cards (having never been married before, the thought never occurred to me!)

Today is a good day to start!

I've been reading a lot of blogs for the past couple of years but only recently started thinking about writing one. I've had a lot of changes in my life in the past few years, a lot of changes that I once would have said would NEVER happen. Some of these are:

I would never get married
I would never give birth
I would never have a family of my own
I would never live with a man again
I would never change my life for someone else
I would never be a housewife
I would never be able to give up alcohol
I would never have baby brain
I would never finish my MBA

Except they have all happened and I am so grateful that they did. So I think this blog is going to be my way of coming to terms with it all...