First time in about three weeks. PH and I have our plan in place. We will arrive at 6pm and then leave at 7.30pm. PH has decided that we will be staying no later than 7.30pm because Dumpling is now in a routine that means she goes to bed between 7.30pm and 8pm.
Not sure how his parents will react but am very impressed with his strength of feeling. However, this means that she will need a feed during the time we are at theirs. As we will only be there for 1.5 hours and will be eating during this time, I have no idea how this is going to work out. Our strategic plan last time was that PH took his Dad out for a walk when Dumpling needed a feed. However, there isn't going to be time for this, and PH's Dad does the cooking (he's a fab cook, which slightly makes up for the hassle with feeding). I am hoping that PH and his Dad will just stay in the kitchen out of the way or I will have to go and sit in the car (they apparently don't have room upstairs for me to feed). If I have to go and sit in the car then I think I'm just going to go home.
It's been a bit of a tradition over the past couple of years that we go to the In Laws for dinner every second Thurs. However, I can see this is going to become a total bind, especially when I'm back at work. I knew it was going to be a nightmare, trying to ensure that everyone was kept happy once Dumpling arrived but I hadn't realised how much of a challenge it would be to ensure that we all get to see everyone and yet still have quality family time. The grandparents are already grimbling that they don't see Dumpling enough. I know it's awesome that she's had such a positive influence on their lives, but I don't want to get to the point where we are forever visiting people to keep them happy. In fact, I know it won't get like that because we won't let it, but I just don't feel I have the capacity for the grief that we are going to get. It doesn't help when my Mother In Law (who is lovely) had a monumental strop when we told her that we wouldn't appreciate them just "dropping round" and they needed to phone in advance. The phrase "I'm do NOT need to phone to make an appointment with my Granddaughter!!!" came up.
I knew parenting would be challenging, but I thought it would be Dumpling, not everyone else! Thank goodness she's such a perfect little baby.
Good grief! I'm sympathising tremendously with you on this post. It's not my place to say, or anyone's for that matter, but I really think you need to put your in-laws straight on the fact that you're baby comes first and foremost and their Thursday tea arrangement will have to take a back seat for a while. And your mil should respect the fact that you prefer her to ring first; I would suggest that you explain while you're breast feeding, they either accept it or you stay at home and do it. Some people are just too set in their ways and they will find, sooner rather than later, that are alienating you and their grandchild, rather than having a relationship with you both.
ReplyDeleteCJ xx
I've been exactly where you are now. (My boys are now 11 and 9 years old.) We stood our ground and set out to let every one know that we were a new family now and that things had to change to accommodate that. It took years of hard work and the removal of my Mother in Law from North East England to Oxfordshire to achieve the desired effect but hey, we got there!! She clearly found it difficult to understand that I had taken on a new role and we rather than she were now priority. I wish you good luck!
ReplyDeleteFor heaven's sake, how hard is it to phone up and see when it's convenient to pop round? It's common courtesy! I'd never assume I was welcome to turn up on somebody's doorstep without asking first.
ReplyDelete